My family of 5 moved in with my parents. We pitch in with household bills and cooking, and we give each other space.
A typical morning in our household unfolds like this. One of our three kids will bounce out of bed at the crack of dawn and wake my husband or me up.
Half asleep and feeling like we’ve been exhumed, we totter upstairs in our PJs (me) or underpants (my husband). Usually, as we round the corner, my 81-year-old dad is sitting in an armchair with a tea in hand, dressed in his banana-printed boxer shorts (no doubt a joke from my mom) and a T-shirt with the word “Legend” scrawled across it. He’s always been an early riser.
We make coffee and sit together on his veranda, soaking up the morning sunshine. Sometimes we chat; sometimes we just stare into space. There’s a newfound comfort and familiarity between my husband and my dad, one that flows naturally when you live with someone.
By 8 am, my 77-year-old mom is usually awake and helping to organize the kids for school. Then they’re out the door and off before my husband and I start our work days.
Every night, we share a meal together on their veranda and talk through our “news of the day.” It’s a special time when we give each other our full attention. Feelings are shared, questions are asked, and stories are regaled.
This has been our new daily routine for the past month. In January, we moved from regional Victoria, in Australia, to the Gold Coast and into my parents’ house. For the first two months, my folks were overseas, then they returned in March.
At 40, I never thought I’d be living in my childhood home with my entourage. But here we are, and we’re making it work, thanks to a few simple guidelines.
We set the ground rules from the outset
When my parents returned from overseaswe sat down and established ground rules to ensure expectations were clear, and we were all on the same page.
My parents made simple requests, like not slamming the front door or opening the fridge a million times a day (hungry 10-yr-old boy alert), but we totally understood and respected their wishes.
Laying it all on the table from the outset meant we’ve avoided conflict, because we all understand the house rules.
We give each other space
Mom and Dad’s family home has two levels — my folks live upstairs, while we sleep downstairs. After we’ve shared our nightly mealeither my husband or I will do the dishes, and the other will take the kids downstairs to relax and watch TV. Having space in the midst of our togetherness helps us to avoid tension and keep things running smoothly.
We’ve also spent a few weekends away camping and housesitting for my sister, so that my parents get a break from the chaos of little kids.
We pitch in with housework, cooking, and costs
Everyone contributes to the running of the house, and it’s working really well. My husband mows the lawns, I do the housework downstairs, and my folks clean upstairs and water the plants.
Neither my mom nor I enjoys cooking, and one of the real positives of multi-generational living is that we’re actually doing less of it. Since there are four adults in the house and each adult takes a turn preparing the evening meal, it means we only have to cook every four nights. Winner!
When it comes to costs, my husband and I have offered to pay for the groceriesutilities, and other household bills. Mom and Dad have been extremely generous in not asking us for rent, as we’re in the process of selling our property in Victoria, so that we can buy into the Gold Coast’s very expensive property market. The least we can do is pay for household running costs.
There are so many positives to multi-generational living — sharing costs, built-in childcare and senior care, emotional support, and knowledge sharing. Though we’re just starting out our multi-generational living adventure, we can already see the benefits. I think honesty, communication, and consideration are key to making it work.