I moved back to Canada after living abroad for 5 years. The hardest part is rebuilding my social life.

People often talk about the loneliness of moving abroad. It’s understandably hard to start your social life from scratch in a new country, where you may also be dealing with cultural differences or language barriers. What we don’t think about is that moving back home can be even more difficult. It’s something I experienced when I moved back to Canada in 2023, after spending five years in the UK.

I anticipated some reverse culture shock, but I thought the hardest part about coming back home would be logistical challenges like finding a new apartment and setting up all my accounts again. The thing I was least worried about — my social life — ended up being the biggest and most disappointing surprise, as I discovered that most of the friendships I thought I’d maintained had essentially dissolved.

Distance made me interpret my friendships differently

I kept in contact with my Canadian friends via social media while I was living in the UKand I even went out of my way to see them in person on visits back home. There was one day on a trip back home when I had back-to-back meetups with friends that made me feel like distance hadn’t drastically affected our relationships. But when I moved back for good, the lack of enthusiasm was telling.

Maybe it was because I decided to move to a different city than my hometown of Vancouver, which made re-establishing relationships more challenging. But Victoria, where I live now, is close enough that I can visit Vancouver often, just a 1.5-hour ferry ride away. Still, some people I previously thought of as friends haven’t made the effort to reconnect, whether they’re in town or I’m visiting Vancouver.

Moving back home forced me to reevaluate the nature of my friendships

It made me realize many of those friendships were never that deep. I left Vancouver when I was 26, and a lot of the friends I made in my early 20s were just party friends. We enjoyed going out together on weekends, sharing fleeting moments of intimacy and connection sparked by the overall excitement of the night. I’ve since learned that if a friend can’t get that deep with you during the day, or when you’re away for a prolonged period of time, they’re probably more of an acquaintance.

And even though it wasn’t the first time I found myself in a new place without much of a social circle, it somehow felt harder. In the UK, I could easily connect with other foreigners over our shared experience of living abroadand I gained a few close friends with whom I’m still in regular contact. Sometimes, all it took was saying, “How are you finding life here?” to get invited on a coffee date. I can’t exactly do that in Canada, so I’ve really had to go back to the start.

My moves have encouraged me to make more of an effort to meet new people

As much as it hurt to realize the friendships I had weren’t as meaningful as I thought they were, I’ve taken it as an opportunity to find ones that are. I started going out of my way to talk to neighborscolleagues, and even people I’ve found online, and to make plans with them. It’s been pleasantly surprising to see how receptive people have been. I’ve also started looking into events that will help me expand my social circle, which is something that intimidated me for a long time as an introvert.

And while I haven’t yet developed close, consistent friendships as I did in the UK (unfortunately, the few friends I’ve made after moving have since left Victoria), I’ve been putting myself out there and planting the seeds for them to grow. I now believe that some people aren’t meant to stay in your life forever, and that’s OK. Living abroad taught me that amazing new connections can come to you at any time, so you have to stay open to them. Even if it means losing old ones in the process.