Can I Kiss My Spouse While Fasting?
Fasting is one of the pillars of Islamand contrary to common belief, it is not just limited to abstinence from food and drink. It is an act of discipline that involves controlling your behaviours and desires. Moreover, it is also a way to strengthen your relations with Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى).
A common question that Muslims usually ask during the month of Ramadan or other voluntary fasts is whether it is permissible to kiss one’s spouse while fasting.
Islam does encourage Muslims to research and reflect upon their daily practices. Therefore, asking such questions to observe fast correctly is a positive trait in any Muslim. To answer this question through the Quran and Sunnah, we must also understand the basics of fasting. In this article, we will answer this question as per references from the Islamic teachings of both.
Understanding the Reason Behind Fasting
Before answering the question, we must understand why Muslims are supposed to fast. Allah (Glory be to Him) says in the Quran:
O you who have believed, decreed upon you is fasting as it was decreed upon those before you that you may become righteous. 183
O believers, fasting is enjoined on you as it was on those before you, so that you might become righteous. [Al-Quran, 2:183]
The basic purpose behind fasting is to nurture the concept of “Taqwa” in a Muslim. This includes mindfulness, obedience towards Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى), and personal restraint. Therefore, every action that you perform while fasting is evaluated. This evaluation is not just based on whether you have broken the fact, but also on how your actions are affecting your spiritual goals. Fasting is not just for the body; it is of the mind and soul as well.
What Does the Sunnah Say About Kissing While Fasting?
The answer to this question is really clear and comes from one of the authentic Hadith of the Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ). There are several well-established hadith that actually point towards the fact that the Prophet would actually kiss his wives while observing fast.
Narrated `Aisha:
The Prophet (ﷺ) used to kiss and embrace (his wives) while he was fasting, and he had more power to control his desires than any of you. [Sahih al-Bukhari 1927]
On another instance, Zainab narrated: Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) used to take a bath from one water pot, and he used to kiss me while he was fasting.” [Sahih al-Bukhari 1929]
Based on these narrations, it is clearly established that kissing your spouse while fasting does not invalidate it. If it was not allowed, then the Prophet (ﷺ) would not have performed the act himself, nor would his companion narrate any such situations.
Why Is It Permitted?
Islam believes in creating a balance in the worldly as well as religious affairs of a human being. It does not want any human being to suppress their natural human emotion, nor does it want to hinder any type of marital affection. Marriage itself is described in Islam as a source of love, mercy and tranquillity. Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى) says:
And among His signs is that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may find tranquility in them, and He placed between you love and mercy. These are signs for a people who reflect.21
Another of His signs is that He created mates of your own kind for yourselves so that you may get peace of mind from them, and has put love and compassion between you. Verily, there are signs in this for those who reflect. [Al-Quran, 30:21]
This verse emphasizes the significance of affection and love between spouses. It is a sign that showing love to your spouse is not just allowed but is also divinely well. Therefore, Islam places no prohibition on gentle affection between spouses during fasting, provided the act does not compromise the fast.
The Conditions
While kissing your spouse while fasting is allowed, there are conditions around this ruling as well. Islamic scholars have provided a guideline on these conditions based on the Quran and Sunnah.
Kissing your spouse while fasting is only allowed if:
- It does not lead to sexual arousal
- It does not result in ejaculation
- It does not lead to intercourse
- The person is confident in their self-control
Suppose all of the above-mentioned conditions are met, then the fast remains valid. Islam allowed the Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) to do so because he had the highest self-control over his desires. However, no two Muslims are the same; their Islamic rulings are set so that every individual can take into account their circumstances. Not everyone is the same, and Islamic rulings often take individual circumstances into account.
When Kissing Becomes Disliked or Prohibited
If a person kisses their spouse and it leads to arousal or loss of control or even any form of sexual activity, then the fasting becomes makruh (disliked) or even haram. A person whose fast becomes Makruh or Haram must complete his fast.
According to one of the Hadith:
“The person who gets discharge after casting a look (on his wife) should complete his fast.” [Sahih al-Bukhari 1927]
While kissing is somewhat permitted during fasting, having sexual intercourse is completely forbidden during fasting hours. Indulging in a sexual act while fasting may lead to severe consequences for the Muslim man or woman.
Allah (Glory be to Him) states:
It is permissible for you on the night of fasting to have sexual intercourse with your wives. They are clothing for you, and you are clothing for us. God knows that you are clothing. You were circumcising yourselves, but He turned to you and pardoned you. So, associate with them and seek what God has ordained for you, and eat. And drink until the white thread of dawn becomes distinct to you from the black thread, then complete the fast until nightfall. Communicate with them while you are secluded in the mosque. These are the bounds of God, so do not approach them. Thus God makes clear His signs are for the people that they may become righteousَ۱۸۷
You are allowed to sleep with your wives on the nights of the fast: They are your dress as you are theirs. God is aware you were cheating yourselves, so He turned to you and pardoned you. So now you may have intercourse with them and seek what God has ordained for you. Eat and drink until the white thread of dawn appears clear from the dark line, then fast until the night falls; and abstain from your wives (when you have decided) to stay in the mosques for assiduous devotion. These are the bounds fixed by God, so keep well within them. So does God make His signs clear to men that they may take heed for themselves. [Al-Quran, 2:187]
This verse from the Holy Book is a clear sign that being intimate is restricted for the night during Ramadan and should be stopped at dawn. Anything that has the potential to cross this boundary must be avoided during the day.
Differences Between Individuals
Islamic rulings are aware of the needs of different temperaments, self-control and age. If one Muslim can safely kiss their wife while fasting, it does not mean that the other can.
For example:
- A more mature couple can easily show affection without arousal
- A newly married couple may find it difficult to just pause at a simple kiss
Because of these particular reasons, scholars often allow kissing only to those fasting Muslims who have a strong sense of self-restraint. It is also disliked by those who can easily give in to temptation.
Voluntary Fasts vs Ramadan
The ruling on kissing your spouse while fasting remains the same for all types of fasting, including Ramadan fasts as well as voluntary fasts. However, scholars emphasise extra caution during Ramadan fasts due to the sacred nature of the Islamic month. Breaking a fast during Ramadan on intentional grounds is a serious issue. Therefore, you must avoid any actions that nullify the fasts during the holy month.
Protecting the Spirit of Fasting
Apart from the legality, fasting is not just about protecting the sense of worship. According to the Holy Prophet (ﷺ), fasting is not just refraining from food and drink. It is also resisting the urge to engage in harmful actions or behaviors that eventually reduce the reward of fasting. Therefore, if kissing your spouse becomes a distraction from the regular prayers and Quran recitation, then it is better to avoid it even if the act is permitted.
Practical Advice for Married Couples
If you are a married couple, then you can approach this scenario with some wisdom and honesty. It is always better to ask these questions before delving into the act:
- Will this lead to a sexual act?
- Is it possible to stop at any point without difficulty?
- Does kissing my spouse distract me from my worship today, or does it support?
If there is any doubt, it is always better and more rewarding to wait until sunset. After this, you can easily show affection and intimacy towards one another without any limitations.
Final Conclusion
Many Muslims around the world wonder about the same thing. Are they allowed to kiss their spouse while they are observing their fast? The answer to it is simple. Yes, it is permissible to show affection towards your better half in the state of fast. However, certain considerations need to be kept in mind while doing so. As long as it does not affect your daily rituals and you have self-control, then it is permitted. If it is the opposite and you think it may lead to arousal, ejaculation or even intercourse, then it is better to avoid the act till after sunset.
Islam acknowledges the concept of fasting as well as marital affection. The Quran and Sunnah have always helped create a balance between the worldly and spiritual affairs of a human being. May Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى) accept our fasts and allow us to observe them in the best manner.
